FOOLISH THINGS NIGERIANS DO
Even though Nigerians are very intelligent people with all kinds of very beautiful qualities that are listless, but I will want to share some very foolish things we do:
Marry a foreigner for residency: I saw a 28 year old Nigerian guy the other day pose with a 61 year old western lady with the caption" the love of my life", I almost could not stop laughing. Why do we enjoy using people? Thank God these people are becoming wiser, they could marry you but residency will certainly not come without you sweating your life out
Leave your Nigerian wife to suffer in Nigeria while you travel abroad to hustle immediately after the wedding: I see many of our ladies suffer so much while their husbands abandon them here to go through the rigours of pregnancy alone. Most times I do not feel for the ladies because they are foolish enough not to know better. Most times the man will come maybe once in two years. But I will tell you, your marriage starts when you eventually begin to live together
Decision to go by land Abroad: Whether you like it or not, it is cheaper, safer, better and neater to go by air abroad. Can't you see the horror that happens on the high sea or do you think going through the Sahara desert is fun? Sometimes I wonder why we are so stupid? Must you go abroad? How many houses did Jesus build, and how many cars did he buy? Materialism is the opium of a sinking generation. Why can't you seek better ways to "hammer''?
Expecting too much from a government: Every government is a reflection of the nature of the people. The best way to see yourself is to look at the government of the day. Can't you sincerely count how many people you have disappointed? Have you kept all your promises? Why do you think a government can solve all your problems in 4-5 years? No matter how sincere a government might be, no government has the capacity to make every citizen happy.
Give up on your country: Your contribution is what makes your country healthy. Great people make up a great nation. When you give up on your country, you incapacitate the potentials of the nation and it will never get better. Most of us Nigerians are too pessimistic, which could probably be the reason we hardly have any good thing to offer
Friday 22 July 2016
Tuesday 19 July 2016
Wednesday 13 July 2016
MARRIAGE IS WORK
'' To rekindle an old love is a thousand times more sensible and pure than to participate in a scandalous adulterous fling". This lines stuck to me as I read the book by H.B London and Neil B. Wiseman, '' Pastors at risk". your marriage will never work better than you are ready to work at it. The success of your marriage is your responsibility, do not leave it to your spouse.
Having been a member of the marriage committee in the organisation under which I serve, I have had the opportune moment to see many marriages go through turbulence. I have been able to see couples torn apart, let God guide their hearts through the tough route of reconciliation and I have also seen couples who were not willing to even give it a fight but saw going their separate ways a gift from God. In all, I have learnt one very vital lesson, divorce never honours God no matter the reason. In fact, God would desire couples never to consider it as an option but to work through their differences.
I would really love to share a few thoughts with us to ponder:
1. LEAVE AND CLEAVE: In Mark 10:6, Jesus was very specific to the man when he told him to leave his father and mother and cleave ( stick, adhere, cohere, cling, to adhere firmly and closely or loyally and unwaveringly) to his wife. How come this was not to the woman but to the man? The fact remains that it happens naturally for the woman, she takes up the man's name and it's not very difficult to cleave but for the man, once he marries a lady, cleaving becomes a challenge. Work will always want to suck all the space. But you must battle to cleave no matter what.
2. NO DEFINED PATH: I am yet to see any marriage with a defined path. Very unpredictable things happen in all marriages. You might experience delay in conception. There could be sickness, financial crunch, children experiencing health challenges. Most times, these things will not announce it's arrival. Even though we have modified it to be " for better, for richer", it does not change the fact that worse things could happen in marriage. Oyedepo would organise powerful meetings round the world where people would get healed. But for about 15years, the wife had an incurable ailment. They both did not give up on each other but they stayed and fought it together. Today, the marriage is stronger.
3. WHEN THE FEELING DIES: You will not always feel good about your spouse. There are times you will have great doubt and serious resentment in your heart. There are times when how you feel will not sustain your marriage but what you decide. Resolve your issues, if possible get help. No unresolved issues goes away with time. There were times in my marriage my wife would question my every move, challenge my every will and resist my every intention. At this point, loving my wife became so difficult but what saw me through such times was the willingness to make my marriage work.
4. MAXIMISING SEASONS: Certain things will not go by prayers or fight but by age. As you grow older certain things will naturally go. There was a time in my marriage I felt my wife was stingy and didn't want to support the house financially. As I grew older, I got to understand I was wrong. My wife only wanted to be sure I was not lazy and wanting to feed off a woman. There are certain things in marriage you will not always enjoy but your courage to endure such becomes your biggest victory. Seasons are not permanent, they come to pass.
5. VULNERABLENESS: Every marriage is a target for the devil. The devil wants to destroy your marriage by all means. Until your marriage is destroyed, the devil will not stop. This is why you need a level of spirituality to be able to check mate the activities of wicked spirits. You must engage the force of prayers, fasting and studying of God's word
Your marriage is worth fighting for. When you are married, you must decide to stay married. Your marriage will not fail.
'' To rekindle an old love is a thousand times more sensible and pure than to participate in a scandalous adulterous fling". This lines stuck to me as I read the book by H.B London and Neil B. Wiseman, '' Pastors at risk". your marriage will never work better than you are ready to work at it. The success of your marriage is your responsibility, do not leave it to your spouse.
Having been a member of the marriage committee in the organisation under which I serve, I have had the opportune moment to see many marriages go through turbulence. I have been able to see couples torn apart, let God guide their hearts through the tough route of reconciliation and I have also seen couples who were not willing to even give it a fight but saw going their separate ways a gift from God. In all, I have learnt one very vital lesson, divorce never honours God no matter the reason. In fact, God would desire couples never to consider it as an option but to work through their differences.
I would really love to share a few thoughts with us to ponder:
1. LEAVE AND CLEAVE: In Mark 10:6, Jesus was very specific to the man when he told him to leave his father and mother and cleave ( stick, adhere, cohere, cling, to adhere firmly and closely or loyally and unwaveringly) to his wife. How come this was not to the woman but to the man? The fact remains that it happens naturally for the woman, she takes up the man's name and it's not very difficult to cleave but for the man, once he marries a lady, cleaving becomes a challenge. Work will always want to suck all the space. But you must battle to cleave no matter what.
2. NO DEFINED PATH: I am yet to see any marriage with a defined path. Very unpredictable things happen in all marriages. You might experience delay in conception. There could be sickness, financial crunch, children experiencing health challenges. Most times, these things will not announce it's arrival. Even though we have modified it to be " for better, for richer", it does not change the fact that worse things could happen in marriage. Oyedepo would organise powerful meetings round the world where people would get healed. But for about 15years, the wife had an incurable ailment. They both did not give up on each other but they stayed and fought it together. Today, the marriage is stronger.
3. WHEN THE FEELING DIES: You will not always feel good about your spouse. There are times you will have great doubt and serious resentment in your heart. There are times when how you feel will not sustain your marriage but what you decide. Resolve your issues, if possible get help. No unresolved issues goes away with time. There were times in my marriage my wife would question my every move, challenge my every will and resist my every intention. At this point, loving my wife became so difficult but what saw me through such times was the willingness to make my marriage work.
4. MAXIMISING SEASONS: Certain things will not go by prayers or fight but by age. As you grow older certain things will naturally go. There was a time in my marriage I felt my wife was stingy and didn't want to support the house financially. As I grew older, I got to understand I was wrong. My wife only wanted to be sure I was not lazy and wanting to feed off a woman. There are certain things in marriage you will not always enjoy but your courage to endure such becomes your biggest victory. Seasons are not permanent, they come to pass.
5. VULNERABLENESS: Every marriage is a target for the devil. The devil wants to destroy your marriage by all means. Until your marriage is destroyed, the devil will not stop. This is why you need a level of spirituality to be able to check mate the activities of wicked spirits. You must engage the force of prayers, fasting and studying of God's word
Your marriage is worth fighting for. When you are married, you must decide to stay married. Your marriage will not fail.
Monday 11 July 2016
CORRECTING THE DEFECTIVE COMPONENTS OF ''NIGERIANESS''
Nigeria has become a name synonymous with almost everything that is bad or not working, like immigration fraudulence, internet scam, irresponsible and insensitive system of governance, wastefulness, institutional decay, systemic corruption and so many other unutterable anomalies.
There are certain defective components that have become part of us that we must begin to do away with:
UNINTELLIGENT AND KNOWLEDGELESS IMITATION: Nigerians are so carried away by the what without having to think about the why. At the time we started seeing American entertainers engage in ice bucket challenge, many of us also started doing it without recourse to it's relevance to our lives. Even though we do not have any background understanding of the American system of governance, we have adopted it without the understanding of the total essence of it. Our own is " as long as America is doing it, then it's good for us''
THE "TO HELL WITH NIGERIA'' SYNDROME: Because we hardly are generational in our thinking, that was why we could begin to share funds needed to equip our military for personal gains. We are not concerned if workers are not paid but as our vacation in Hawaii is not disturbed, we are okay. This is why a political office holder can go abroad on tax payers money to treat malaria, even though our health sector is dead.
POLITPRENEUR: We don't mind killing, maiming or doing anything devious, as long as we can get a political position, we are okay. In Nigeria today, politics is not service to the people but a huge business venture where the people are exploited for profit
THE CHARITY PROJECT CONSCIOUSNESS: Most Nigerians believe that we are the most disadvantaged on earth and therefore begging has become a norm. We go about even as a nation begging for arms all around the world even if we hardly give. So, most of the charity organisations in the world have all taken Nigeria for what it is, a huge charity project
WHATSOEVER IS NIGERIAN CAN ONLY BE BEST AT BEING A COUNTERFEIT: This is why we will do everything to get the services of a foreign coach, even if we have to use the money we don't have, while indigenous coaches can go to hell. Even though it's human waste, as long as it's from 'abroad', it's a huge asset.
These are some very destructive mind sets we must begin to correct. Nigeria will never be taken seriously by the world, until every Nigerian make rebranding Nigeria a major priority. Nigeria can become very great with you in it
Nigeria has become a name synonymous with almost everything that is bad or not working, like immigration fraudulence, internet scam, irresponsible and insensitive system of governance, wastefulness, institutional decay, systemic corruption and so many other unutterable anomalies.
There are certain defective components that have become part of us that we must begin to do away with:
UNINTELLIGENT AND KNOWLEDGELESS IMITATION: Nigerians are so carried away by the what without having to think about the why. At the time we started seeing American entertainers engage in ice bucket challenge, many of us also started doing it without recourse to it's relevance to our lives. Even though we do not have any background understanding of the American system of governance, we have adopted it without the understanding of the total essence of it. Our own is " as long as America is doing it, then it's good for us''
THE "TO HELL WITH NIGERIA'' SYNDROME: Because we hardly are generational in our thinking, that was why we could begin to share funds needed to equip our military for personal gains. We are not concerned if workers are not paid but as our vacation in Hawaii is not disturbed, we are okay. This is why a political office holder can go abroad on tax payers money to treat malaria, even though our health sector is dead.
POLITPRENEUR: We don't mind killing, maiming or doing anything devious, as long as we can get a political position, we are okay. In Nigeria today, politics is not service to the people but a huge business venture where the people are exploited for profit
THE CHARITY PROJECT CONSCIOUSNESS: Most Nigerians believe that we are the most disadvantaged on earth and therefore begging has become a norm. We go about even as a nation begging for arms all around the world even if we hardly give. So, most of the charity organisations in the world have all taken Nigeria for what it is, a huge charity project
WHATSOEVER IS NIGERIAN CAN ONLY BE BEST AT BEING A COUNTERFEIT: This is why we will do everything to get the services of a foreign coach, even if we have to use the money we don't have, while indigenous coaches can go to hell. Even though it's human waste, as long as it's from 'abroad', it's a huge asset.
These are some very destructive mind sets we must begin to correct. Nigeria will never be taken seriously by the world, until every Nigerian make rebranding Nigeria a major priority. Nigeria can become very great with you in it
Wednesday 6 July 2016
DISMANTLING ANXIETY
Things are not usually as bad as they appear. Or what were you thinking? That bad things will not happen? That's a myth! In life, both bad and good things will happen to everybody. The only thing you can do sometimes is to minimise the effect of negative occurrences by your choices, but to always avoid it is not attainable, at least not in this world.
So, it is useless to be anxious. " Be anxious for nothing......" the bible says ( Philippians 4:6), because the impact of negative situations on you is made worse by anxiety. Anxiety will help you complicate issues, by making them unsolvable.
In life most times, you could be very concerned about certain things, of course this could open up your creativity. But I am talking about the very extreme sense of concern that takes away your peace.
There are certain things that could help you against becoming a helpless victim of anxiety:
CATASTROPHIZING - This is the technical term for manufacturing worst case scenarios according to Bill Hybels. Do not always be afraid to think of the worst that could happen. What some people will call " The what if..........thinking". You could lose your job, have an accident, become sick or even die, lose your spouse e t c. Just ask yourself the worst that could happen to you and answer the questions regularly. This to a very large extent would prepare your heart to face your future or the unknown with great courage.
YOU CAN'T ALWAYS GUARANTEE/ PREDICT THE ACTIONS OF OTHERS - The fact that you will be or are careful is not a guarantee that others will be. you might be a very careful driver, maybe in your house. But by the time you drive out of your house, that's all you can control, other drivers might not be as careful as you are. You might have prepared so hard for an exam, but there will not always be a guarantee that the examiner will be in the right state of mind when your papers are being marked. So, making allowances for others could save you all that anxiety
IN LIFE STUFF DO HAPPEN - You will certainly not be able to always explain certain things. This is what man calls '' The acts of God''. How do you explain a lightening bolt that would kill people or a high blast of thunder that brings down an entire house on the people in it? How do you explain the fact that, you get to work on a Monday morning to discover that you have to go home because your services is no longer required even though you have given your best to the company?
NOTHING IS WORTH DYING FOR - Until the day your time is up, it's not necessary to die for anything. Most of the things that are making you lose sleep now, might eventually come to you with time. I could remember how difficult it was getting maths sums right in Secondary school ( high school). At a point, I thought my life would not go beyond that level, but today, I have gone far beyond that. Heartbreak, job loss, insults, disappointments are just usual events that does not warrant you losing sleep. Your boss will not always be pleased with your work no matter how much you try. So, just do your best and leave the rest.
YOU ARE NOT GOD - Only one person is limitless and has the power to do anything and everything. That person is God, and you can never be Him. Even God Himself will not please everybody even though He has the power to. You can't please everybody. You will not always do everything right.
You must make up your mind to enjoy life to the full and be happy no matter the situation that comes your way. We used to move from place to place before cars were invented, then how come you are putting yourself under so much pressure because you have not bought a car?
You must choose to be at peace with yourself, all men and God. This is a choice no body can make for you. Cheers
Things are not usually as bad as they appear. Or what were you thinking? That bad things will not happen? That's a myth! In life, both bad and good things will happen to everybody. The only thing you can do sometimes is to minimise the effect of negative occurrences by your choices, but to always avoid it is not attainable, at least not in this world.
So, it is useless to be anxious. " Be anxious for nothing......" the bible says ( Philippians 4:6), because the impact of negative situations on you is made worse by anxiety. Anxiety will help you complicate issues, by making them unsolvable.
In life most times, you could be very concerned about certain things, of course this could open up your creativity. But I am talking about the very extreme sense of concern that takes away your peace.
There are certain things that could help you against becoming a helpless victim of anxiety:
CATASTROPHIZING - This is the technical term for manufacturing worst case scenarios according to Bill Hybels. Do not always be afraid to think of the worst that could happen. What some people will call " The what if..........thinking". You could lose your job, have an accident, become sick or even die, lose your spouse e t c. Just ask yourself the worst that could happen to you and answer the questions regularly. This to a very large extent would prepare your heart to face your future or the unknown with great courage.
YOU CAN'T ALWAYS GUARANTEE/ PREDICT THE ACTIONS OF OTHERS - The fact that you will be or are careful is not a guarantee that others will be. you might be a very careful driver, maybe in your house. But by the time you drive out of your house, that's all you can control, other drivers might not be as careful as you are. You might have prepared so hard for an exam, but there will not always be a guarantee that the examiner will be in the right state of mind when your papers are being marked. So, making allowances for others could save you all that anxiety
IN LIFE STUFF DO HAPPEN - You will certainly not be able to always explain certain things. This is what man calls '' The acts of God''. How do you explain a lightening bolt that would kill people or a high blast of thunder that brings down an entire house on the people in it? How do you explain the fact that, you get to work on a Monday morning to discover that you have to go home because your services is no longer required even though you have given your best to the company?
NOTHING IS WORTH DYING FOR - Until the day your time is up, it's not necessary to die for anything. Most of the things that are making you lose sleep now, might eventually come to you with time. I could remember how difficult it was getting maths sums right in Secondary school ( high school). At a point, I thought my life would not go beyond that level, but today, I have gone far beyond that. Heartbreak, job loss, insults, disappointments are just usual events that does not warrant you losing sleep. Your boss will not always be pleased with your work no matter how much you try. So, just do your best and leave the rest.
YOU ARE NOT GOD - Only one person is limitless and has the power to do anything and everything. That person is God, and you can never be Him. Even God Himself will not please everybody even though He has the power to. You can't please everybody. You will not always do everything right.
You must make up your mind to enjoy life to the full and be happy no matter the situation that comes your way. We used to move from place to place before cars were invented, then how come you are putting yourself under so much pressure because you have not bought a car?
You must choose to be at peace with yourself, all men and God. This is a choice no body can make for you. Cheers
Tuesday 5 July 2016
THE WORLD CLASS WOMAN
Gender is not a limiting cap. Greatness is not determined by sex. Mary Slessor was just about 28years old when she boldly influenced the Efik people of Calabar to stop the killing of twins.
Just imagine the towering heights, Beyoncé maintains above her contemporaries? She has over 17 Grammies to her name, with over 75million dollars in world record sales and many world tour that have always been sold out shows. She has become a global brand that is not about to slow down any moment soon. Which man will be bold enough to throw such a woman into the kitchen?
The first concert she ever saw was a Michael Jackson's concert. And after that time, she started dreaming that one day she will be in stadiums. Today, that dream is a reality. Her presence alone brings nations to a stand still. Presidents and kings of the most powerful nations of the world can pay any prize just to have her grace their occasions.
I could also see the iconic strength of a woman in the lines written by Hillary Clinton in Clinton's 2004 memoir " Living History". She said " the most difficult decisions I have made in my life were to stay married to Bill and to run for senate from New York.....I knew I wanted our marriage to last if it could, because I loved Bill and I realised how much I cherished the years we had spent together.....I had no doubt that I could construct a satisfying life by myself and make a good living....But I hoped Bill and I could grow old together". Clinton did not just stop at being a lawyer, a governor and president's wife but she went on to become a senator, secretary of states and now on her way to becoming the first female president of The United States of America! What a woman!
There are key tenets I could get from the lives of these awesome women:
IT IS NOT A MAN'S WORLD - The dominion mandate by God was not given to Adam alone but to Eve as well. The bible says " the earth is the Lord's" and not " the earth is the man's"
CULTURE IS NOT A UNIVERSAL LAW - The fact that certain culture does not permit certain things does not mean it is final. Malala Yousafzai stood against the stance limiting female education in Pakistan. Rosa Park resisted the black and white divide in commuter buses in America. Helen Johnson Sirleaf became the first female president of an African nation in 2006.
LIFE BEEN TOUGH IS NOT JUST SECTIONAL - Life generally is tough. It is not because you are a woman things seems tougher for you. At least you can see that Hillary Clinton's rise has not being without very stiff oppositions and terrible situations?
GOD IS NOT GENDER - SAVVY - Divine force will not back you up because you are a woman. But anybody that is set on a just course gets heaven's support. This therefore means that being a woman does not put you in a disadvantaged position.
EXPERTISE IS NOT A MAN'S AFFAIR - One look is enough to tell you that Beyoncé and Hillary are experts in their chosen field. The world certainly would not celebrate these pair if they were mediocres?
I know you so much enjoy spending your husband's money, driving round town and hanging out with the ladies, which is all good. But the world truly desires women that would join the likes of Beyoncé and Hillary Clinton to become a very strong influence in the world.
Gender is not a limiting cap. Greatness is not determined by sex. Mary Slessor was just about 28years old when she boldly influenced the Efik people of Calabar to stop the killing of twins.
Just imagine the towering heights, Beyoncé maintains above her contemporaries? She has over 17 Grammies to her name, with over 75million dollars in world record sales and many world tour that have always been sold out shows. She has become a global brand that is not about to slow down any moment soon. Which man will be bold enough to throw such a woman into the kitchen?
The first concert she ever saw was a Michael Jackson's concert. And after that time, she started dreaming that one day she will be in stadiums. Today, that dream is a reality. Her presence alone brings nations to a stand still. Presidents and kings of the most powerful nations of the world can pay any prize just to have her grace their occasions.
I could also see the iconic strength of a woman in the lines written by Hillary Clinton in Clinton's 2004 memoir " Living History". She said " the most difficult decisions I have made in my life were to stay married to Bill and to run for senate from New York.....I knew I wanted our marriage to last if it could, because I loved Bill and I realised how much I cherished the years we had spent together.....I had no doubt that I could construct a satisfying life by myself and make a good living....But I hoped Bill and I could grow old together". Clinton did not just stop at being a lawyer, a governor and president's wife but she went on to become a senator, secretary of states and now on her way to becoming the first female president of The United States of America! What a woman!
There are key tenets I could get from the lives of these awesome women:
IT IS NOT A MAN'S WORLD - The dominion mandate by God was not given to Adam alone but to Eve as well. The bible says " the earth is the Lord's" and not " the earth is the man's"
CULTURE IS NOT A UNIVERSAL LAW - The fact that certain culture does not permit certain things does not mean it is final. Malala Yousafzai stood against the stance limiting female education in Pakistan. Rosa Park resisted the black and white divide in commuter buses in America. Helen Johnson Sirleaf became the first female president of an African nation in 2006.
LIFE BEEN TOUGH IS NOT JUST SECTIONAL - Life generally is tough. It is not because you are a woman things seems tougher for you. At least you can see that Hillary Clinton's rise has not being without very stiff oppositions and terrible situations?
GOD IS NOT GENDER - SAVVY - Divine force will not back you up because you are a woman. But anybody that is set on a just course gets heaven's support. This therefore means that being a woman does not put you in a disadvantaged position.
EXPERTISE IS NOT A MAN'S AFFAIR - One look is enough to tell you that Beyoncé and Hillary are experts in their chosen field. The world certainly would not celebrate these pair if they were mediocres?
I know you so much enjoy spending your husband's money, driving round town and hanging out with the ladies, which is all good. But the world truly desires women that would join the likes of Beyoncé and Hillary Clinton to become a very strong influence in the world.
Monday 4 July 2016
YOUR MARRIAGE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT:
Every marriage is like a delicate garden that contains all the world's most beautiful seedlings, but has the propensity to breed thorns. Any marriage that is not consciously nurtured will soon switch into the decay mode. There are certain basics that I have learnt over the years as a married man that I think could become a vital resource to you as an intending couple or an already married person.
NO MARRIAGE CAN BE MORE HEALTHY THAN IT'S FOUNDATION - Where, when and how did you find or get to know your spouse? Who was involved in the connection process? What was the role of your pastor? Or who is the father figure whose words could be law in your marriage? What were the customary rites you performed and who spoke on the day of your traditional marriage?
THE BACKBONE OF EVERY MARRIAGE IS COMPROMISE - There are no irreconcilable differences, we only have spouses that are irreconcilably different. It is usually not about the issue but always about the individuals involved in the issue. If you do not let compromise become a major tenet of your marriage, the divorce court becomes your only option.
SPIRITS DON'T MARRY, ONLY HUMAN BEINGS DO - Flesh and blood are two basic components of errors but only the spirit is always right. So, in marriage most of the time, you will be in error. This is why the help of God should never be undermined. You will sometimes say foolish things, take stupid actions, think crazy thoughts. But your willingness to quickly forgive yourself and spouse and quickly move on will be your most beautiful strong point.
SELF DEFENCE IS THE BIGGEST SPOILER OF EVERY MARRIAGE - Self defence could be an effective military strategy in wars but a very bad stance in marriage. Are you to defend yourself or your marriage? Who is the enemy in the marriage? When you are always defending yourself, the marriage becomes the victim.
PROCESS TIME - Every person processes information differently. And who says your ideas are always right or should always be accepted? You must be willing to give your spouse time to process major information no matter it's urgency. You must get buy in even if it means waiting a little longer.
Bringing out the best in your spouse should be your life long commitment. Your spouse is a gift that must be treasured and not a thing that should be used
Every marriage is like a delicate garden that contains all the world's most beautiful seedlings, but has the propensity to breed thorns. Any marriage that is not consciously nurtured will soon switch into the decay mode. There are certain basics that I have learnt over the years as a married man that I think could become a vital resource to you as an intending couple or an already married person.
NO MARRIAGE CAN BE MORE HEALTHY THAN IT'S FOUNDATION - Where, when and how did you find or get to know your spouse? Who was involved in the connection process? What was the role of your pastor? Or who is the father figure whose words could be law in your marriage? What were the customary rites you performed and who spoke on the day of your traditional marriage?
THE BACKBONE OF EVERY MARRIAGE IS COMPROMISE - There are no irreconcilable differences, we only have spouses that are irreconcilably different. It is usually not about the issue but always about the individuals involved in the issue. If you do not let compromise become a major tenet of your marriage, the divorce court becomes your only option.
SPIRITS DON'T MARRY, ONLY HUMAN BEINGS DO - Flesh and blood are two basic components of errors but only the spirit is always right. So, in marriage most of the time, you will be in error. This is why the help of God should never be undermined. You will sometimes say foolish things, take stupid actions, think crazy thoughts. But your willingness to quickly forgive yourself and spouse and quickly move on will be your most beautiful strong point.
SELF DEFENCE IS THE BIGGEST SPOILER OF EVERY MARRIAGE - Self defence could be an effective military strategy in wars but a very bad stance in marriage. Are you to defend yourself or your marriage? Who is the enemy in the marriage? When you are always defending yourself, the marriage becomes the victim.
PROCESS TIME - Every person processes information differently. And who says your ideas are always right or should always be accepted? You must be willing to give your spouse time to process major information no matter it's urgency. You must get buy in even if it means waiting a little longer.
Bringing out the best in your spouse should be your life long commitment. Your spouse is a gift that must be treasured and not a thing that should be used
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)